


Let's Play the Waiting Game

by the_rain_shall_fall



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Mentions of self-harm, depressed yoosung, doesn't really follow the game so AU tag, lol i don't know how to tag this, seven is willing to wait
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 17:00:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10903635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_rain_shall_fall/pseuds/the_rain_shall_fall
Summary: This is where it ends. This is also where it stars. Let's play the waiting game.





	1. April - Heartache

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't have time to finish this last April because of college and... stuff. So here it is. I'm back with angst.  
> Today's song choice: 'Heartache' Studio Jam version by ONE OK ROCK

_“I’ll be ending what’s probably happening between us.”_

Saeyoung stopped eating and slowly looked up at Yoosung. He asked for an explanation, for a reason. He apologized if he has done something the other didn’t like. He asked if his star was feeling okay, if he slept well last night, if he just was not up to talking or hanging out or –

_“Stop being nice to me. I don’t deserve you.”_

He stayed silent. He didn’t know what to say. He has seen things he didn’t want to see. He knew his love was getting even more depressed as of late, which resulted in Yoosung avoiding everyone, even him, like the plague. He knew the other male was… cutting. He didn’t want Yoosung to hurt himself but what could he do more to make him stop? Talking him out of it didn’t help. Distracting him until 3 am would only sometimes work. The red-head tried apologizing again. He said that he was nice because he’s just like that.

_“You won’t stop being nice to me because you love me, right?”_

He listened with unshed tears as his love poured out his feelings, on how he didn’t deserve anyone, how Saeyoung didn’t belong to him, how Saeyoung needed someone better, how hard it was for him to try and let go and simply look at Saeyoung as his ‘hyung’ and not his ‘baby’. Yoosung went on, rambling how he himself was the problem, how he didn’t know what else is wrong about him – how disappearing would likely solve the problem.

Saeyoung couldn’t stop his hand from reaching out and holding the other’s tightly. He sniffed, willing his tears to go away before he spoke, his voice cracking and breaking in between sentences. He talked about how his constant messaging was him being selfish, about how he tried not to get too worked up when Yoosung didn’t reply. About how he gave himself excuses like the blond was okay and that he was simply busy with school and how that made him sad but he knew he didn’t have the right because Yoosung did not belong to him.

_“If I’m not yours, then what was I to you to begin with?”_

He couldn’t help the sob that escaped his lips, a few tears running down his face. He looked up only to see his love crying with him. He slowly and gently cupped the blond’s face as if he was holding a rare and fragile artifact. He looked straight into violet eyes, not liking the sadness in those orbs.

 _“You’re the person I love.”_ Saeyoung started, sniffing a bit. _“You’re this adorable small bean that gets so sad and loves to lie about being okay but I eat up those lies because I want you to be happy. You’re not mine because I want you to make that choice yourself.”_ He finished with another sob, his voice breaking at the thought that Yoosung might not choose that path – Yoosung might not choose him.

_“I love you.”_

_“I love you too.”_

They spend the day crying in each other’s arms. Even as Saeyoung reached his bunker, the pain in his chest made it harder to breathe.

***

Saeyoung found out Yoosung was cutting again. He hadn’t seen the blond since that incident and worry ate him up from the inside. He grabbed his phone, ignoring everything else and sent the blond a lengthy message about how he just wanted the blond to know that he’d always be there for him. He just wanted his star to know that he is loved, even if nothing was okay.

He knew glancing at his phone every two minutes would be fruitless. He knew Yoosung would not reply, but he would still check and would get disappointed every time. He still had hope. He still wrote letters he wasn’t sure would reach their destination. He collected trinkets and kept them together with the letters inside a box he wasn’t sure would when to give Yoosung. He still waited. Even though he was about to drown with the ton of work he has to do, he still silently waited for that ringtone.

He got it 2 days later – while drowning in work and self-hatred, clutching his hair in his hands, ready to rip them out. His phone chimed. Saeyoung leapt and carefully took the gadget in his hand, his thumb shaking as his checks his messages.

_“You’ve done so much for me. And I think that’s enough because I don’t want your efforts to be of waste anymore. No one can patch me up because no matter how jolly I am on the outside I know I’m not on the inside. Be safe for yourself and for your friends. I wouldn’t want to be a bother anymore. I hope you’re okay.”_

He couldn’t stop the tears as he broke down on the floor, cradling the cellphone against his chest. It took him a few minutes – it felt like hours – to collect himself and type up a reply. He understood and he wanted Yoosung to stay safe and that he’ll keep that box safe and hidden and wait until he has the chance to give it. He still loved him and he wasn’t sure if he would ever stop loving him – wasn’t sure if he would even stop thinking about his star.

And that’s when they made those promises.

_The promise to try and be okay._

_The promise to stay safe._

_The promise to be happy with friends._

_The promise of healing and continuing to love._

_The promise of Yoosung coming back._

_The promise of Saeyoung waiting._

 

_“I love you, baby. I love my Choi Saeyoung very very much. You’re all that I ever have and will have anyways. ^^”_

_“I’ll always be here okay? And you’ll be the only Kim Yoosung I’ll ever have and I’ll ever love.”_

_“I’ll be back. Just you wait._ ٩(๑•̀ㅂ•́)و _”_

Saeyoung laughed in the middle of his crying fit. Even with this heavy of a conversation, his baby still has the gall to send emojis. His crying-induced laughter lasted for a few more moments before he gained the tiniest bit more courage to be cheeky. Before they finally said ‘until next time.’

 

_“Let me kiss you the next time we meet.”_


	2. May - Vanilla Twilight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a month. Of pain, tears, memories, and loving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's for the month of May.  
> Today's song choice: 'Vanilla Twilight' by Owl City

It was suffocating to be cooped up inside his bunker for God knew how long. Buried in nothing but work, work, work has reached its limit. Writing letters and collecting random trinkets wasn’t even helping him alleviate this need to contact his love. Saeyoung decided it was time to go out and taste the night sky for the first time in a while.

The red-head didn’t notice how far he had walked nor did he notice the time. He looked up at the sky and saw hundreds of thousands of stars. So many, and yet the one he wanted to see and waited for was nowhere to be seen. ‘Vanilla Twilight’ softly played on his headphones as he sat down on the soft, soft grass swaying along with the wind’s gentle but cold melody. It was such a rare sight – this many stars in the middle of the city. He closed his eyes, taking in the cold night air, feeling the silence of his surroundings sans the music.

 _“Cause I wish you were here.”_ He whispered and sang along to the song, unshed tears prickling his eyes hidden by his glasses. He tried – tried so hard not think about it. He tried not to remember how lovely his star’s voice sounded like, tried not to think about how cute his selfies were, whether they were with filters or not. He tried so hard not to read their past messages and miss the times when they’d stay up until 3 am just talking and spamming stickers and saying ‘good night’ until one of them stops. Tried so hard not to remember how adorable and lovable and beautiful –

Tears ran down his face as he silently sobbed. _A month._ It was now officially a month and he felt like it had been yesterday. Since that talk. Since those promises. Since that day they both poured and bared their hearts and souls to each other. He didn’t know how he survived that month, but he was scared for the next incoming days, weeks, _and God forbid_ , months.

He missed his star, his ball of sunshine, his baby, his love. Even though he promised he’ll be happy, he still couldn’t avoid sad moments like this. Within the past month, he had been successfully buried with work, but now… he didn’t have anything to distract him from the pain, the bottled-up emotions, and the memories.

He went back to his bunker, messy from the empty bags of Honey Buddha Chips and cans of Dr. Pepper. Mary would be pissed again if he saw his place like this for the umpteenth time, but the red-head didn’t give a damn right now. He curled up on his bed, grabbed his phone and disconnected the headphones. The soft melody drifted around the silent room, lulling him to sleep. Tears still ran down his cheeks, sniffles and sobs escaping him. He eyes the tiny box on his desk, untouched and collecting dust.

7 months’ worth of letters, from simple friendship to attraction to confessions of his love. 7 months’ worth of trinkets and handmade gifts and little things that reminded him of his baby. 3 short months of feeling mutual love but never getting to act on them because of complications and problems.

And now it has been a month since they started playing this game. A month since his star went on a journey to self-recuperation. A month since he started his waiting, since he started hanging out with his friends and bury himself in work more to distract himself. A month wherein he sometimes forced himself to be happy for the day and end up feeling tired and empty for the rest of the night. He tried not to feel sad, but he just couldn’t help it.

He managed to talk to Yoosung some days back – 3 days to be exact. A short ‘how are you’ and ‘hope you’re okay’ made up their conversation. Funny, he wasn’t expecting a message and he got it in the middle of a drive. How he had thought it was just Mary or Zen. He remembered hitting the breaks too hard because he couldn’t believe his baby sent him a message. _Yoosung sent him a fucking message._

He parked his car and nibbled on his bottom lip – he had so many things he wanted to ask. Was his baby eating well? Skipping class again or finally being diligent? Was he going out with friends or stayed cooped up in his apartment, wrapped snug underneath his blankets? Was he cutting himself less frequently than before? Was he sleeping better and lengthier this time? Did he miss him too?

The red-head could sense that their conversation won’t hold up much longer. He still wanted to talk though – how selfish of him. He debated whether to send something personal or throw the mere idea in the trash. He decided to fuck it and sent a message.

_‘I miss you.’_

He didn’t check his phone until today. He was in the middle of writing yet another letter – the 21st to be exact. Another lengthy love letter that may or may not be delivered into its destined recipient’s hands. No reply, but there was that small ‘read’ tag next to it. It hurt too much, but he knew he was an idiot who’d keep on loving the same person, who’d keep on waiting. He knew he was asking too much, but he really missed his baby.

 

He drifted off to sleep, eyes brimming with tears as the soft melody of Vanilla Twilight slowly finished.


	3. June - 봄날 (Spring Day)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second month and he decided to focus on the happy memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the month of June.  
> Today's song choice: '봄날 (Spring Day)' by BTS

He was given a vacation – much to his surprise. Saeyoung didn’t know what to do. His daily routine became work, eat, sneak in a nap, work, and more work. On weekends, he’d give himself a treat outside. Malls, arcades, buying trinkets _(for him)_ , meeting up old friends, meeting new friends he met on the net, and other activities to get his thoughts _off of_ _him_. Suddenly granted a vacation when he was finally, _finally,_ finished all his work was shocking. ‘A well-deserved rest,’ his boss said. It left the hacker at a complete loss with what to do.

Should he go to one of Zen’s plays? Or visit Jaehee’s café? Maybe help her with the service and cashier or something. Or, he could go and bug the catmom for wine and access to his penthouse so he could kidnap Elly. That sounded fun – but not a plausible idea. Maybe he should bug Saeran and take him out on an ice cream date! Oh, but he just did the other day.

The red-head was running out of ideas when his hand slid across the soda-stained table and down he went, along with a box, its content flying all over the place. He cursed, both at the pain with falling and at the trinkets and letters and toys scattered around his room. Saeyoung covered his face, momentarily collecting himself before he moved. He picked the stuff one by one, the reasons why he bought these certain things flashing in his mind.

The puppy charm, ‘cause Yoosung resembled a puppy far too much. The bracelet with little star pendants, ‘cause Yoosung was his cute little star. The necklace with the ‘dream’ pendant, because he wanted Yoosung to keep on dreaming, to never let anyone get in the way of him reaching his dreams. The small jar with star origamis – his baby always wanted to fill a jar with star origami but the blond was just too busy with school.

His vision turned blurry once more as Saeyoung wiped the tears, a fond smile on his face. He’s gotten used to the sudden down in his mood. He’s gotten used to the sudden onslaught of memories and the feeling of wanting to see his baby Yoosungie. He’s gotten so used to this feeling of emptiness, even backreading the messages they shared only brought a fond smile on his face. He’s even gotten used to the lack of ‘read’ on his messages to the other, no matter how many he had already sent, no matter how much he had already spammed emojis and stickers. Hard to imagine that last month he was nothing but a broken, crying mess.

Feeling the need to read their past messages again, Saeyoung hopped over to his laptop and played the first song that popped in his mind. As the melody started, he grabbed his phone and an opened bag of HBC, and ducked under the covers. He wrapped himself, all warm and snug, before launching on a trip to the past.

The messages started on a 13th. Just small talk about a common friend and the like. Then they slowly went to ‘how are you’ and ‘what are you doing today.’ He smiled wide, his cheeks red as he read the time when they slowly blurred the line between friendship and attraction, when he was openly flirting with Yoosungie and the other still took it as friendship. When he made it his daily mission to make his baby blush and warm during winter season. There were even a few language lessons, where he taught Yoosung a few phrases in Spanish. He could remember the embarrassment he felt when recording his own voice for the other to know how it was pronounced. Even with the lack of confidence, the blond was really happy with it.

_“Baby’s laugh is so cute~!”_

Saeyoung read the same line over and over again, the goofy smile on his face not fading. It took him a few more minutes before scrolling down, past the tons of emojis they spam each other with, past the ‘I miss you’s and ‘Good night’s and platonic ‘I love you’s. He didn’t even know when he started saying those three words with depth, with meaning, with an emotion he wasn’t familiar with. He scrolled further, slowing down at his favorite parts, before his eyes spot the long message he randomly sent one day.

_His love letter._

The hacker dropped his phone and hid his face under the blankets as if someone would see his burning face. He re-read the first line. ‘To my ball of sunshine,’ it said. He made strange noises before taking a few deep breaths. Saeyoung really needed to chill. He sent it and they were both very embarrassed over it. But if he didn’t do it, they’d stay in the blur for far too long. Steeling his giddy emotions, he picked up his phone, reading the love letter where he poured his heart out to the cute blond.

 

_“To my ball of sunshine,_

_You might find out late and I might forget in time, so I shall write it down. I write this letter for you as I listen to your voice, quiet as the night, gentle as the cushion, as cute as a little furball. What’s even better, I write this as I talk to you._

_I smile like an idiot as I type something to make your blush. It’s the only thing I can do to help you feel warm. And I feel that fluttery feeling again as you reply the way I imagine you’d reply. I write this down, trying to imagine your cheeks flushed and hidden by your hands. Would they be a bright pink? Like the carnations one of my professors loves growing in her backyard? Or would they be a deep red, as red as the lipstick my mother loved to use?_

_And as I wait for your reply, I listen to your voice, on my phone, on the loop. Again. And again. And again. I wonder, when can we meet again? I wonder, when can I poke and kiss your cheeks and tease you until your red and warm all over?_

_I even find myself wondering, as I listen to my boss talk on the screen, if there would be a time when I can sneak under your covers and cuddle with you until night turns day, with the sun coming up and annoying us with its bright light. I slap myself as I try to focus in class. But truthfully? I just want to take out my phone and listen to you sing._

_Ne, baby. Sing for me more._

_Your voice is like the quiet, calm night. It gives me an image of the moonlight over a calm and beautiful sea. Next time, I swear. Next time I go back, I’ll go look for you. And please. Please let me kiss you._

_It’s all I’ll ever want._

_-_ _세영제_ _”_

 

With his face as red as his hair, Saeyoung continued reading, remembering and reading how Yoosung replied with blushing emojis and how he had never been so red in his life but there he was, standing by the window, letting the cold air in. The hacker continued reading their typo-filled conversation, about how his blond couldn’t think straight, about how he couldn’t say anything and how…

_How Yoosung had felt the same about him._

He remembered how happy he felt. He read their messages that spanned till 4 in the morning just because they didn’t want to be the first to fall asleep that night – or should he say morning? A soft laugh left his lips as Saeyoung remembered he was sick while making that confession. _‘Dr. Kim’s orders,’_ his cutie said while trying to make him sleep.

But his happiness wasn’t long lasting, because he knew the next messages or three days were his alone. He remembered feeling panicked and scared – _was Yoosung all right? Did he not want to talk to him anymore? Maybe he shouldn’t have confessed. He might’ve broken their friendship now._ _Even the onslaught of stickers weren’t doing anything. Why was he only reading the messages? Was Yoosung just forced to say ‘I love you’ too just so he won’t hurt his feelings?_

The hacker scrolled past those messages, ignoring the familiar pang in his chest. His anxiety was too much those days, and so was Yoosung’s. They made sure to talk about it though, even though his blond wasn’t telling him everything. He could tell, but he’d ignore them most of the time just so he could give the blond a break, give him a reason to smile and laugh and feel even just a tad bit better.

He scrolled down memory lane, reading the reassuring messages and their little banters and 12 am moments where they scream good night at each other but not really going to bed until 2 am. He felt a flurry of emotions, but most of all he felt love. Love for the cute blond student, love he knew won’t easily die out. Saeyoung smiled, holding his cross close to his chest.

He jumped out of his bed, throwing the blanket and pillows in the process, and scrambled for the drawers. He dug into them, looking and looking until he finally saw it. The treasured music box he commission just for his baby. It was wooden with carvings and space for a few accessories if ever his blond decided to add more hair clips to his collection.

Yoosung made him promise that he’d be happy. With friends and family. Saeyoung promised that he’d do his best with whatever life would throw at him while waiting for the blond to come back from self-recuperating. For now, he settled with staring at this music box he got for Yoosung. He’d wait no matter how many months, years even.

_He was good at waiting. Always had and always would be._

**Author's Note:**

> This will be updated every 14th of the month.


End file.
